Handcuffs are love
by bonnjie
Summary: ONESHOT. COMPLETE. This is why Flitwick shouldn't get hyper. Handcuffs, whipped cream and other stuff! Fun ensues.


"Oh...my...god."

Filius Flitwick had come to expect some rather...peculiar things from Abime Delame, but he never thought he'd come across something as ... interesting as this. He'd spent all lunchtime hyping himself up for his meeting with Delame, most of the time their serious talks about the deterioration of Ravenclaw behaviour ended in a nice spot of tea and friendly conversation about the quidditch. Delames office had been open, so naturally Flitwick bounced in, dancing and singing merrily.

Until he bounced into the shelves and knocked a box off the very top shelf, sending its contents flying all over him.

It had taken Filius several long moments to figure out what exactly had happened. His first thoughts were to clean up, levitate the box back up to the top shelf and continue on his merry way. That was until he saw the handcuffs hanging off his nose. i _Handcuffs, but why would Ab-_ /i . The shocking truth hit him like a tonne of bricks, Abime HADN'T been lying about all this! He looked around, an array of whips, sauces/paints and fluffy handcuffs surrounding him. He didn't even want to think of what was in the bottles, let alone the letters stashed in the box. His mind went into overdrive, there was no way this was his. Everything went black for Filius Flitwick as his eyes rolled back into his head and his small body fell and crashed against a rather hard whip handle.

Oh merde, why was he always late? Delame raced up the stairs, hoping Flitwick had let himself in a poured a cuppa. i _Why is the door open?_ /i Delame moved a little faster, his long legs aiding him in bounding the stairs. Flitwick never left the door open for their meetings. Slowing down, he calmly walked into his office and looked down at the seat, expecting to see Flitwick there. Nope. Had someone ransacked his office? He looked to the floor, cursing as his gaze fell upon the passed out Flitwick amongst all his...oh mon dieu. How the hell did Flitwick get into that?!

"Bloody hell Filius."

He went to wake him up, but stopped himself as he realised this could all be working in his favour. Very carefully, he packed up all the whips and chains, cleaning up the mess from the spilt body paint and wiping up a dash of whipped cream that had seemingly been left behind on his handcuffs. Charming the box shut, he put it back up in its resting place and smirked. Poor little Flitwick, he'd be so shocked. IDEA. He grabbed the box again, flipping Flitwick over and grabbing a piece of paper from his desk.

"Flitwick! Flitwick get up! Are you okay?"

Why was someone slapping him? Where was he? Flitwick slowly opened his eyes, blinking as they got used to the light. Why did his head hurt so much? What was he doing in Abimes office? Slowly, Abime pulled him up to a sitting position, carefully checking to make sure he was okay. All of a sudden it all came rushing back to him, the whips, the cream, Filius found himself feeling light-headed again. Looking around, he found no trace of the horrors that had shocked him beforehand.

"I'm so sorry Filius, I got caught up with Slughorn and lost track of time."

"Bu...wha...the...ho...wh..."

"It's okay, you must have bumped your head trying to reach a book, are you okay now?"

"Mmm...th...ch...whip...huh?"

"Oh you poor thing, you're confused as hell. Why don't you pop down to your rooms and take a nap?"

What the hell? Flitwick slowly stood up, finding his feet again before looking up at Delame, then to the shelves. Where was the box? He couldn't have imagined it all, could he? Perhaps his mind fabricated it all? NO! His mind was perfectly normal! What was going on!?

"Oh, you look confused. Do you want to no to the hospital wing?"

"What? But there were chains and whips and cream!"

"Pardon mon ami? I think you might have concussion."

"But there was and...and there were handcuffs on my NOSE and everything!"

"Alright you, off to bed."

Flitwick couldn't be bothered arguing, his head hurt too much. Wow, that floor must have been bloody hard. Nodding slowly, he picked up his books off the desk and began his ascent to his office.

"Bye Delame."

"I'll see you tomorrow mon ami."

Delame had to supress a laugh as Flitwick walked off, his face covered in chocolate body paint and the words "I LOVE HANDCUFFS" written in bright green lube on a piece of paper stuck to his back.


End file.
